The blessed month of fasting is fast approaching and it begs a reflexion on previous Ramadhans before making resolutions, insh'Allah.
I was going to do a year to year account of my fasting experience but I'll sum up the trials and reward Allah has bestowed upon me during these blessed times.
I discovered Islam during Ramadhan and fell head over heals for my religion. I found a meaning to my life and realised that I had wasted this precious treasure all these years by not practicing. yet Allah has guided me back to Him, alhamdulilah. There was no magic moment, I was just standing at the bus stop, saw a flyer on Ramadhan, attended the event and as they say, the rest is history. truth be told, I had slowed down the pace of my life, I was yearning for more, and I found Islam. I found Allah and then I discovered His final messenger, salalahu alayhi wa salaam.
All through my fasting months after that, I met incredible brothers and sisters who taught me to be joyful during this month, to be generous and to be grateful. I've increased in knowledge thanks to them and I've aimed at getting better. In between the iftars with the sisters in the basement all eating on the floor and sharing food and those spent alone in my dorm room, I've benefited from them all. Allah has blessed me to spend the last 3/4 Ramadhans in different countries, from Tunisia, to the UK to the US and today in South Africa, I'm truly blessed to testify of the united colors of the Ummah.
It has always seemed like I was reading the Quran for the first time, finding new meanings and discovering new messages. Last year, I re-read some parts of purification of the heart by Hamza Yusuf and highligthed the dirt in me that I had to get rid of. The sheet of paper is still in my files and when looking at it again the other day I realised that I have a long way to go. I also read the sira of the prophet (salalahu alayhi wa salaam) by Tariq Ramadan, the french version, and fell in love with this man (salalahu alayhi wa salaam).
I've been tried during the last few Ramadhans. I've been broke, to the extent that I only had little money on me and gave them all to a man who had just been robbed. But guess what, right after this act, I checked my bank account which was at 0 and realised that my transfer had just cleared and I had enough money for the months to come. Alhamdulilah.
My parents were officially divorced last year and lived in different houses but I got to spend time with them and to renew the love, alhamdulilah. My mother got diagnosed with cancer and passed away three months ago but this blessed month brought her reconciliation with my father and united the whole family, alhamdulilah. May Allah forgive her for her sins and grant her jannah. Amin. I've learned how to beg Allah during these difficult times, how to earnestly ask and beseech Him and how to remain hopeful, alhamdulilah.
Finally, I've experienced solitude in a foreign land where I barely understood the language spoken by those around me but one sister invited me in her house for iftars and the other sisters showed me love, which was more than enough to get me going, alhamdulilah.
The main messages of love, pain, sacrifice, generosity and unity have resonated with me. I pray that through all these lessons, I truly benefit from fasting, burn away my sins and have my act of worship accepted by Allah. May He bless us until this year's Ramadhan and may He make us among those whose fast, prayers and du'as are accepted. Amin.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
A big hug from God
'It's like receiving a big hug from God" says my friend R. This comment was prompted by my explanation of how Allah is just there for me. How recent events have answered many of my queries and how things have just been solved by Him. Verily after hardship comes ease.
Jumah khutbas, a series of online talks I've listened to and the last edition of SISTERS magazine made me happy. From the topic of the power of duas, to preparing for death, to the happiness solution, I've had answers to many of my doubts. My mind plays games with me and the whispers of Shaytan often lead me to the 'what ifs', i'if only' but khair...everything is due to Allah (swt) and whether we understand the wisdom of His decree or not, we accept it.
Speaking of SISTERS magazine, it's my firts time reading it and it was enjoyable. I specifically loved the article on the greates women of paradise: Mariam, Asiya, Khadidja and Fatima, may Allah (swt) be bleased with all of them and enable us to follow their example. The article did not describe them but emphasized on the qualities they had that made them the chosen ones by Allah. Mash'Allah, from affirming the truth, having qunoot, being courageous, supporting their husbands, to being optimistic, having tawakul and having zud. mash'Allah, mash'Allah, mash'Allah. These women were patient and grateful in good and dificult times. I know I have a lot to learn.
What strikes me if how forgetful I am. I mean I was re-listening to a few talks I had downloaded and some of them it seemed like I was hearing them for the first time. While others, some parts were familiar and other parts spoke more to me. This just shows of how we must continuously learn and be reminded of our purpose here.
Yesterday made me realize how little I know and how much I need to increase in knowledge and act upon his knowledge. It's a bit scary to know that one has all the means to be rigtheous yet is not so. The nafs, oh nafs, do not precipitate us to the fire. The other daunting thing is the whole intention behind every action. It puzzles me as I'm a bit scared of not having pure intention for the sake of Allah for all of my deeds or not having any intention at all.
I'm also yearning to get back to my Arabic. I'm forgetting the little I knew although I'm still able to get the gist of some things, alhamdulilah.
Jumah khutbas, a series of online talks I've listened to and the last edition of SISTERS magazine made me happy. From the topic of the power of duas, to preparing for death, to the happiness solution, I've had answers to many of my doubts. My mind plays games with me and the whispers of Shaytan often lead me to the 'what ifs', i'if only' but khair...everything is due to Allah (swt) and whether we understand the wisdom of His decree or not, we accept it.
Speaking of SISTERS magazine, it's my firts time reading it and it was enjoyable. I specifically loved the article on the greates women of paradise: Mariam, Asiya, Khadidja and Fatima, may Allah (swt) be bleased with all of them and enable us to follow their example. The article did not describe them but emphasized on the qualities they had that made them the chosen ones by Allah. Mash'Allah, from affirming the truth, having qunoot, being courageous, supporting their husbands, to being optimistic, having tawakul and having zud. mash'Allah, mash'Allah, mash'Allah. These women were patient and grateful in good and dificult times. I know I have a lot to learn.
What strikes me if how forgetful I am. I mean I was re-listening to a few talks I had downloaded and some of them it seemed like I was hearing them for the first time. While others, some parts were familiar and other parts spoke more to me. This just shows of how we must continuously learn and be reminded of our purpose here.
Yesterday made me realize how little I know and how much I need to increase in knowledge and act upon his knowledge. It's a bit scary to know that one has all the means to be rigtheous yet is not so. The nafs, oh nafs, do not precipitate us to the fire. The other daunting thing is the whole intention behind every action. It puzzles me as I'm a bit scared of not having pure intention for the sake of Allah for all of my deeds or not having any intention at all.
I'm also yearning to get back to my Arabic. I'm forgetting the little I knew although I'm still able to get the gist of some things, alhamdulilah.
Monday, July 21, 2008
Memorable Friday
Last week was a blessed week. Firday particulraly was emotional but full of meaning. It's astonishing how your soul is affected by the words of God, by reminders of Him and by the teaching of our noble Prophet (salalahu alayhi wa salaam).
I has decided to attend jumah prayers after a long time of not doing so. I specifically chose a masjid that wa sfurther away from work but in which I felt good. I love it b/c of its cleaningness, its private are for women, its vastness and its beauty. Case in point is that there is an Imam who has a very beautiful tarteel that always makes me weep and I needed to hear the beautiful words ot Allah (swt) recited beautifully.
The khutba was on something that had been disturbing me for a while: the power of duas. The khutba was about duas and the requirements for Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala to accept duas. They are the following: 1) praying to Allah and to Him alone, without associating any partner, 2) sincerity of the heart- understanding and meaning what one is saying, 3) eating from the halal- that includes one's income, food, clothing, etc, 4) refraining from what is forbidden, 5) enjoining good and forbidding evil and 6) being hopeful and certain that Allah will answer this dua.
Also, Allah says that He answers duas several ways: 1) either by granting the dua immediately or by delaying it, meaning when He thinks it's right for you, 2) either by preventing something bad from happening to you in the future, maybe even in the next life, 3) or by reserving it for you on yawmal qiyamma. Subhanallah and that's the best. Let us remember all this even in difficult moments and draw near to Him. After all, He said that He would test us with fear, hunger and with life [our own and our beloved ones] so that we can can learn taqwa, meaning become more conscious of Him. Let us also remember that dua can change the qadar of Allah (swt).
Later that evening, there was a special guest who would read Isha salaat: Imam Salah al-Budair, Imam from the mosque of Rassululah. Subhanallh, it was magic. His presence and his recitation were more than enough to warm my heart. He recited part of suratul qaf in a beautiful way- almost as beautifully as my favourite qari Ibrahim al Jibreen.
After salaat, he made a very short lecture on one's legacy on earth. He reminded us that once one dies, s/he is remembered through the following three act: 1) children praying for the perosn, 2) charity that the perosn has given and which continues to benefit others and 3) knowledge the person taught someone which continues to benefit the person.
He mentionned that the people of Jannah were those who others only speak good of after they've passed away. But one must be careful in exerting for that. because first and foremost, one's intention must be for Allah's reward and not for people's praises.
I has decided to attend jumah prayers after a long time of not doing so. I specifically chose a masjid that wa sfurther away from work but in which I felt good. I love it b/c of its cleaningness, its private are for women, its vastness and its beauty. Case in point is that there is an Imam who has a very beautiful tarteel that always makes me weep and I needed to hear the beautiful words ot Allah (swt) recited beautifully.
The khutba was on something that had been disturbing me for a while: the power of duas. The khutba was about duas and the requirements for Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala to accept duas. They are the following: 1) praying to Allah and to Him alone, without associating any partner, 2) sincerity of the heart- understanding and meaning what one is saying, 3) eating from the halal- that includes one's income, food, clothing, etc, 4) refraining from what is forbidden, 5) enjoining good and forbidding evil and 6) being hopeful and certain that Allah will answer this dua.
Also, Allah says that He answers duas several ways: 1) either by granting the dua immediately or by delaying it, meaning when He thinks it's right for you, 2) either by preventing something bad from happening to you in the future, maybe even in the next life, 3) or by reserving it for you on yawmal qiyamma. Subhanallah and that's the best. Let us remember all this even in difficult moments and draw near to Him. After all, He said that He would test us with fear, hunger and with life [our own and our beloved ones] so that we can can learn taqwa, meaning become more conscious of Him. Let us also remember that dua can change the qadar of Allah (swt).
Later that evening, there was a special guest who would read Isha salaat: Imam Salah al-Budair, Imam from the mosque of Rassululah. Subhanallh, it was magic. His presence and his recitation were more than enough to warm my heart. He recited part of suratul qaf in a beautiful way- almost as beautifully as my favourite qari Ibrahim al Jibreen.
After salaat, he made a very short lecture on one's legacy on earth. He reminded us that once one dies, s/he is remembered through the following three act: 1) children praying for the perosn, 2) charity that the perosn has given and which continues to benefit others and 3) knowledge the person taught someone which continues to benefit the person.
He mentionned that the people of Jannah were those who others only speak good of after they've passed away. But one must be careful in exerting for that. because first and foremost, one's intention must be for Allah's reward and not for people's praises.
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