Ramadhan

The blessed month of fasting is fast approaching and it begs a reflexion on previous Ramadhans before making resolutions, insh'Allah.

I was going to do a year to year account of my fasting experience but I'll sum up the trials and reward Allah has bestowed upon me during these blessed times.

I discovered Islam during Ramadhan and fell head over heals for my religion. I found a meaning to my life and realised that I had wasted this precious treasure all these years by not practicing. yet Allah has guided me back to Him, alhamdulilah. There was no magic moment, I was just standing at the bus stop, saw a flyer on Ramadhan, attended the event and as they say, the rest is history. truth be told, I had slowed down the pace of my life, I was yearning for more, and I found Islam. I found Allah and then I discovered His final messenger, salalahu alayhi wa salaam.

All through my fasting months after that, I met incredible brothers and sisters who taught me to be joyful during this month, to be generous and to be grateful. I've increased in knowledge thanks to them and I've aimed at getting better. In between the iftars with the sisters in the basement all eating on the floor and sharing food and those spent alone in my dorm room, I've benefited from them all. Allah has blessed me to spend the last 3/4 Ramadhans in different countries, from Tunisia, to the UK to the US and today in South Africa, I'm truly blessed to testify of the united colors of the Ummah.

It has always seemed like I was reading the Quran for the first time, finding new meanings and discovering new messages. Last year, I re-read some parts of purification of the heart by Hamza Yusuf and highligthed the dirt in me that I had to get rid of. The sheet of paper is still in my files and when looking at it again the other day I realised that I have a long way to go. I also read the sira of the prophet (salalahu alayhi wa salaam) by Tariq Ramadan, the french version, and fell in love with this man (salalahu alayhi wa salaam).

I've been tried during the last few Ramadhans. I've been broke, to the extent that I only had little money on me and gave them all to a man who had just been robbed. But guess what, right after this act, I checked my bank account which was at 0 and realised that my transfer had just cleared and I had enough money for the months to come. Alhamdulilah.
My parents were officially divorced last year and lived in different houses but I got to spend time with them and to renew the love, alhamdulilah. My mother got diagnosed with cancer and passed away three months ago but this blessed month brought her reconciliation with my father and united the whole family, alhamdulilah. May Allah forgive her for her sins and grant her jannah. Amin. I've learned how to beg Allah during these difficult times, how to earnestly ask and beseech Him and how to remain hopeful, alhamdulilah.
Finally, I've experienced solitude in a foreign land where I barely understood the language spoken by those around me but one sister invited me in her house for iftars and the other sisters showed me love, which was more than enough to get me going, alhamdulilah.

The main messages of love, pain, sacrifice, generosity and unity have resonated with me. I pray that through all these lessons, I truly benefit from fasting, burn away my sins and have my act of worship accepted by Allah. May He bless us until this year's Ramadhan and may He make us among those whose fast, prayers and du'as are accepted. Amin.